Contented.
Renewed.
"Heal the Wound"
I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar
*****
So now... the mid term break has started. half of the rat race is over. i'm utterly disappointed to be ended up in a rat race. honestly, i'm ashamed of being lost in it. tired. still remember my new year resolution was to triumph above all the tests and the temptations. obviously, i failed for these two months. i'm into thinking; a lot in fact. and right now i'm really in the mood to think. think about the past two months in the rat race. and today, i'm feeling so talkative. i just want to keep typing. it's going to be a whole lot of randomness. as usual, i'm untidy to tidy them up. bear with it.
honestly, i'm bad spirited and lazy lately. i'm floating; up in the air feeling self-righteous. bad spirited as i threw my tantrums during my labour law project on MC. bad spirited as i refused to join in the valentines special activity as i saw not much value in it. bad spirited that i want to keep time as my own again. lazy that i procrastinated in all work; school or ministry. lazy that i refused to budge in solving problems. up in that air floating thinking that i'm thumbs-up. careless with my life experiences, thoughts, feeling, reactions. and to who that bore the brunt of all these s***, i'm really thankful and it has helped to bring me down on earth once again. the renewed zest and energy to be face my life once anew. the lesson that i learnt on "strength" and still more to be learnt.
heal the wound but leave the scar. the wound can't be left raw, otherwise complications will rise up sooner or later. if not well taken care now, open it up and sew it back nicely. let it heal. but ultimately, it still has to leave the scar. if you still remember, i wrote something along this line in the card to you long before i heard this song. then after hearing, just some points to think... i have not been courageous enough to even ask if i have opened this wound and sew it back for healing nicely. did i? i have plainly tore the wound open again and left it to heal by itself, i feel. is it? there is something bound to be unchanged between us despite a scar that is left behind on both of us. and one thing for sure, i treasure you a lot though i really hardly put it into words or even actions. and i felt so zzzz that in the end we never get to meet for a meal today. you were always the one who asked me out. i should have asked you out right? the truth be told, deep down in my heart, i miss you. miss having to meet you. so rare that i speak of such words, i learnt that i felt much better to be saying it out. and i'm not at all shy to tell about you as my confidant. it's more than just blood.
faith in friendship. hey, i like this. my life is shook by a different nature of problems this year; it's challenged to push friendship up to a level that now speaks about faith. the lack of faith in friendship that leads to jealousy. the disappointment when friendship didn't seem to progress on the surface. the incorrect thoughts of ranking friends though i hate to judge. the impulse to give up on friendship due to superficial issues. all that were the symptoms of insecure friendship. i have always thought about being secure with things of the world only and guarded friendship zealously. it has otherwise proved to be not very good actually. friendships will just remain stagnant. and it's time to push it to another level now. but honestly, i still feel that there will be tests on how faith-filled is this friendship. but for the start, i'm absolutely hopeful of the friendship at the next level and that marks a good start of faith-filled friendship.
lastly, just update of my life for the next few months...
for school,
- Taming Chaos (GEM2505) quizes almost every wed
- History of Japan (HY2232) mid-term paper submission on 2 march
- Solids and Interfaces (CM3232) mid-term test on 6 march
- Labour Law (SSB1204) project complete by 20 march
- History of Japan (HY2232) research paper submission on mid april
- Exams from 25 april to 7 may
lol... i don't really understand why i'm typing this down. but anw nudge me to find out if i have started on doing them, esp for history. tokugawa? meiji? taisho? showa? can eat?
Sit and Think. When?
ps... too lazy for a lengthy post. but for this photo, it is a must! i like this totally. xueli looks so happy and cheerful!!! happy birthday!!! another thing to mention, today xueli gave me such a heart-warming look after she saw the cake!!! if you shoot a photo of me now, i'm as cheerful and happy as her =)
just several weeks ago, on a wednesday too, i declared that my sony ericsson will be kept in cold storage and i'm so grateful that my faithful panasonic vs7 is always with me... now... it's not with me anymore. neither do i harbour any hope that a kind soul will return it to me. i have yet to sit down and think about "what went wrong?" my favourite 3Ws question, and i'm going to be off to collect my specs, pick up sim card and tuition soon after i post this. i hate this feeling of disoriented. disoriented for i lose my phone that i love so much. disoriented for i lose some new contacts and stored messages. disoriented for i don't even have time to sit down and think through the SOP after losing a phone. disoriented because i need to rush off to attend to other stuffs for today. so disoriented that i lost my appetite for lunch. the dory tama don seems so unappealing to me now when i'm in this state. anw, got to go. =(